Hello all. It's been a while since I have shared personal life lessons and realizations with you. Considering all that I have been experiencing lately, the time is right to self reflect a bit. In the past month, I have gotten an official place to practice my craft, made a somewhat good sized supply of my products and attended my first trade show where I did more than break even. I also had my chair broken and learned many lessons. Now, as well as having an office, I now have two massage chairs and am more relaxed about trade show massage. But funny stuff aside, let's get to this.
This is the first time in my life where I have really stuck with a goal to see it through to fruition. It feels amazing! For so long, I had bought into this notion that I wasn't good enough, smart enough or I just didn't have what it took to succeed. Granted, I was being told that and had grown up in an environment where I was groomed to believe that way. I'm not blaming my parents. All of us were domesticated into this society and our parents were no exception. They pass down their fears, hopes, dreams and personal flaws just like we subconsciously do to our children if we aren't enlightened enough to break the cycle. I could blame it on my parents, siblings, past lovers and friends but when it comes down to it, my beliefs are my choice. I am the one who chooses, "Am I an observer or am I a reactionary being with no free will?"
It's not easy being The Observer all the time. Sometimes it is easy to slip into being just The Reactor. Situations happen, chemicals are produced and our bodies get ambushed by the electric onslaught of our neurons firing in the way that gives us that chemical rush of excitement or anger or any number of emotions. We are Spirits having this Human experience and our chemistry gets the better of us at times. I am no exception. But I can confidently say that I have a better handle on it than I used to. I falter and I explode but I always analyze the situation and the cost and I work through it in the end. Some emotional cities may get destroyed in the process but I refuse to fall back into the belief that I am any less than worthy of happiness or success. In order to fully accept and love myself, I must make peace with that I am an imperfect human.
I could sit here and beat myself up for things that I said that hurt another in my effort to lash out at someone who devastated me. I can sit here and still feel guilt over something I said that hurt a friend in grade school. I can sit here and feel guilt about how my words and actions ended relationships that I had had since childhood. But I'm not going to do that. In every situation, save a few like the grade school thing where I really just snapped at someone, there were reasons why I did what I did. I also know this. In situations where I ended those relationships, my actions before the ending of it were always geared towards fixing the problem, bringing the attention to that there was this issue that was growing and needing to be fixed. I didn't end those relationships until I realized there was nothing there to save. People grow apart and move in different directions. When Like becomes Unlike, the Universe will move you apart. It's just science.
I feel good in my heart knowing that when I acted, I acted so with conviction in that what I was doing was right. It may not have reaped the best benefit but I stayed true to what I believed and in that, I am justified. I am not the easiest person to understand. I wont say I'm hard to get along with or work with because that is just not the case. I have made it to where I am today by believing and accepting that I am fair, honest, loyal, a true friend that one can count on to help in any way that I can find, I work very hard, I believe hard, I love what I do and I love what it means and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the people I hold dear to my heart. It is the strength and fierceness of that love that tips the scales at times and moves me into a vibration of fierce anger when that love is taken for granted, tossed aside or traded in for something inferior. In those times of bad vibration, in the metaphorical battlefield of my mind, even the last blade of grass is burned from the ground in my wrath. But like I said... I'm still learning.
I am still learning to avoid those circumstances before they begin. I am still learning to raise my vibration to a level where those people and I wont be put in the same situation because we are nothing alike. I am learning to stay in a mind set that only puts me with like minded, success and service driven people who are longing to enlighten themselves and grow, just like I am. I do believe everything happens for a reason and all of my experiences have led me to this point, where I am today. I wouldn't go back and change anything in my past because all of those things were meant to happen, to hone me into the person that I have become and these experiences will make me stronger and better able to be the person I am still becoming. I am not a result of my past experiences but they have taught me many things, such as how my own paradigms have influenced my reality and how others are influencing theirs. In this way, I LOVE and ACCEPT myself for exactly who I am. Wonderful, flawed and all. Thank you. That is all for today.